With tears pricking her eyelids, Katherine drew her nightgown over her head in the darkness, and allowed Jack to steady her as he walked her to the door.
“I hope you’re not cross with me, Jack,” she whispered before parting.
“Cross with you? Lord, I’d forgive you anything, Katherine. Tonight just made that very clear.” He kissed the top of her head. “Now, good night, my dearest. Sweet dreams. I’m not sure how easy I’ll sleep after this. Or if I will. And don’t forget your earring.”
He pressed the pearl into her palm and curled her fingers over it. Then, before she could hurl herself back into his arms, he’d closed the door. Knocking to be readmitted was not practical, but oh how she wanted to throw herself back into his arms and go back to bed with him; to do this all over again and to sleep the whole night through feeling his warmth beside her. And every other night after this.
But what Jack had said was true. The truth was that they were too young to be together.
Which was a tragedy because Katherine wasn’t sure she wanted to be with anyone else.
Chapter 10
“You’re very listless, my dear,” Aunt Antoinette remarked as Katherine sat stitching in the drawing room the following morning together with her aunt and Mama.
Katherine just shrugged, but the moment her mama was out of the room, she leaned over to her aunt and whispered, “Please can we take a turn about the rose bushes. Before Mama returns.”
Aunt Antoinette wasn’t stupid, but nor was she as genial as Katherine had expected her to be when Katherine hinted at what she’d been up to the previous night. No names were mentioned, and if Aunt Antoinette guessed, she said nothing.
Still, her aunt was as anxious as she was unhappy. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? I fuelled your bravado with tales of my own folly. But I’m a breed apart, Katherine. Your mother and I couldn’t be more different, just as you and I could not be more different. Your mama has a heart that revels in the love of one man. I, on the other hand, could never commit myself to one man. Yes, you ought to look shocked for it is not a trait that is tolerated in our society, and were I not married to your Uncle Quamby, I would be spurned—an outcast—for pandering to my proclivities, my eternal quest for novelty. But you, my dear Katherine, need to find a love that will last forever. What you did last night was…pure experimentation. Dangerous! I did not mean to give you licence to behave as you have done before marriage because too much can go wrong.”
Katherine tried not to sound tearful as she defended herself. “But you said you had the means to prevent anything going wrong. You told me that, and I, therefore, believed you meant that of all my fellow debutantes, I was the most fortunate, as I could find out before marriage if this was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Because you had the means to ensure I didn’t get into trouble.”
“Oh, Katherine! That’s only part of it. What about the potential damage to your reputation? Not every gentleman is discreet. What if he says something where he ought not, and you are pilloried, your chances of a good marriage ruined?”
Katherine shook her head vigorously. “He’d never do that, Aunt Antoinette. I’d trust him…with my life.” She gulped. “And I don’t regret doing it because it…made me realise I truly am in love.”
“Then that is wonderful news! It’s the very reason you came to London.” Not once had Aunt Antoinette slowed her graceful promenade, for she was an artisan at remaining graceful at all times, Katherine noted admiringly. She turned her face to Katherine and tilted her head. “Is it Mr Marwick? Very soon to be Lord Marples, I’ve heard tell. I did warn you against him, but if you’ve already been so foolish as to disregard all my advice, then you have my blessing.” She sighed, adding, “And your mama would be pleased to see you settled this season. She does worry, you know.”
Katherine wasn’t going to tell her aunt that she was in love with Jack. Somehow she sensed that nobody would think that a good thing at all. So she let Aunt Antoinette assume she’d been with Mr Marwick and asked, to hopefully deflect further questions about herself, “Do you mean because of her own troubled season?”
“Oh, she had more than one, as I’ve told you. Our mama was determined Fanny was to marry Lord Slyther, Mr Marwick’s uncle, and you can be assured that when Grandmama visits in two days’ time, she’ll be most satisfied that you have caught the eye of Mr Marwick.”
“Why did Mama not like Lord Slyther?”
“He was not what anyone could consider a…desirable
bridegroom…in the physical sense, if you understand, so Fanny begged to be given a final chance to find a potential bridegroom who could offer as much as Lord Slyther in terms of title, address, pin money, and a carriage and two horses for your grandmother. Fortunately, your mama found your dear papa. As you can see, it was the perfect match. And that’s what Fanny wants for you. So you like Mr Marwick very much, do you? He makes you happy?”
Katherine bit her lip, then gave a slight nod. She suspected Jack might even be packed off early if there were any suggestion that he and Katherine had formed a closeness that she knew her family would consider unacceptable. Not because they didn’t like Jack, but because he had nothing to offer Katherine.
The trouble was, though, that after Katherine had been with Jack, even the sight of Lord Derry and Mr Marwick had the very opposite effect of making her feel happy, highlighting just how deficient they seemed in relation to her childhood friend.
Her lover. She shivered at the thought.
While she hadn’t disliked kissing Mr Marwick, Jack’s kisses had ignited something magical and joyous inside her. How could she possibly be satisfied with Mr Marwick as a husband after that?
No, after being with Jack, she knew she’d have to find a suitor who made her feel as wonderful as he made her feel.
The trouble was, she wasn’t sure how easy that was going to be.
Katherine was not sure she liked the idea of being the object of her venerable grandmother’s eagle-eyed scrutiny for the next two days. Lady Brightwell had been critical of her youthful high spirits when she was eight, and no doubt she’d find Katherine equally wayward at nearly eighteen. She certainly would if she knew what was in her heart.
Nevertheless, wayward though Katherine might be, she also tried hard to please.
So, when Lady Brightwell stood in as her chaperone for the evening, Katherine was determined her behaviour would be exemplary.
It had been a day and an evening since she’d seen Jack. He’d gone out of town on business related to his trip away, and Katherine had endured a long and tedious evening the previous night at a ball hosted by one of Lord Quamby’s cronies. Mr Marwick and Lord Derry had been in constant attendance, though she’d tried not to dance more than twice with either.